Taking the Heart Plunge

Ellie Brown

It’s like I’m a diver gearing up for a perfect dive. I’ve suited up, I’ve stretched, I've climbed the tall ladder, and now I poise myself just so, run across the board, then bounce, and finally dive in beautiful form into the deep waters of my own heart. Now I am surrounded and saturated with the water of my being. I can swim and explore the depth of who I am. It’s a journey, an adventure, and oh so liberating and real! What does it mean to be me? What does it mean to tap into my feminine essence? What does a practice that develops my sense of wholeness look like? Why do I have such a hard time connecting to my own feelings? Why is it so hard for me to use my voice? Why can’t I just admit my needs, likes, and dislikes and actually voice them? The answer to all of these questions is wrapped up in realizing one’s own worth and value. These thoughts have been heavy on my heart for awhile now, and I’ve been un-peeling myself and the answers like an onion day by day. I’ve been so consumed with finding answers that I’ve even awoken in the middle of the night and had poetry pouring out of me on the subject. A cut off of voice Up until now it feels like almost everything in my life was squelching my voice, knocking me down, repressing me. I have deeply ingrained patterns of self strangulation of my own voice. But I’m fighting with all my might to get back to my core authentic being. I feel like my life is a representation of the collective muted feminine voice of our world. And I am not alone in seeking to-rediscover who I truly am meant to be and where my heart essence fits. Other blocks to tapping into authentic self It’s easy to have a fixed sense of self that is unhealthy. I can view myself as eternally stuck in my voice, never able to speak up. But what’s real is that I’ve just started a blog to let my voice out, I’m showing kindness to those I desire as friends even through fears of rejection, and I am speaking my truth and showing up in my femininity when I relate with men. In realizing my progress I am celebrating every little victory won. And then it hits me - wow I’m really doing this and joy floods through me! I’m really diving in! It’s like I’m a diver gearing up for a perfect dive. I’ve suited up, I’ve stretched, I climbed the tall ladder, and now I poise myself just so, run across the board, then bounce, and finally dive in beautiful form into the deep waters of my own heart. Now I am surrounded and saturated with the water of my being. I can swim and explore the depth of who I am. It’s a journey, an adventure, and oh so liberating and real! Levels to our human ocean There are so many levels to the depth of our humanity. We are a spirit connected to everything alive in the world. We are a physical body that stores memories and experiences in every fiber. We are emotional creatures, and we are trained throughout life to press through yet suppress the heart. Our heart, brain and our body are the major points of awareness in our being, but if we don’t live intentionally they can be cut off from one another. When all three are aware of one another we can experience our authentic self, heart and voice on a whole new level. Practice your diving skills: So how does this work? What are some diving skills to drop into your own heart? Here are a few practices I’ve learned that help me drop into my own heart and being: 1.Quiet times of meditation This just means sitting with myself for 15 or 20 minutes to notice what’s going on with me. I take time to notice how I feel in my own body or skin. When I notice a feeling come up I usually ask myself questions as to why that is coming up. This is actually a good thing to do throughout the day as well. For instance when I start to feel impatient about my food order at the restaurant it doesn’t usually have anything to do with the food. It is actually me responding to some other worry or fear that is buried deeper inside, so asking myself why I am really feeling irritable usually helps me drop into my true emotional being. 2. Identify and honor what’s really going on inside After I identify an emotion I usually self comfort and think of the most wholesome response that will honor my needs. The key is to respond, not react in any way that is detrimental to me, my peace, relationships, or life. In the case of the food order I may drop into my heart and realize that I am actually stressed about an interaction that has to take place after lunch between me and an individual that feels incredibly toxic and cruel. In such a case I have to remind myself of who I am and that even though I have to have that interaction I don’t have to absorb that negative energy. I just need to focus on doing my best and that’s it. 3. Create a wholesome community One of the really great aspects of diving into heart is that your relationships with others will only get better and better. Community plays a big role in our authentic way of being. When you drop into your heart you are going to become much more conscious of what kind of energy you want to let rub off on you and so you are going to gravitate towards other individuals who are also desirous of the most authentic heart centered realness. Though we can’t always hand pick every person with whom we interact, we can choose who we spend the majority of our time with and who our friends are. Finding a community of like minded people is always important and if a common focus is being genuine then all the better. The more you work on your authentic self, the more you will honor yourself in relating to others. If you feel someone isn’t honoring you in your self sovereignty then you won’t tolerate that as a deeper relationship but will search out others who honor themselves as well as others through their actions. If you have to downplay yourself and your talents around your partner, or group of friends then it’s time to find new community. Why Take the Plunge? The beauty of diving is that it doesn’t just happen once and you’re done. Diving is a repetitive skill that you can get better and better at with practice, and it’s a new mini adventure each time. So dare to take the heart plunge. An authentic adventure awaits!